April 13th - Feeding The Machine
Grow or Die 003 - Not sharing my life, feeding a fucked up machine
I’m Not Sharing My Life.
I’m Feeding a fucked up machine.
and I might be done, I can’t decide yet.
im an addict and social media is addictive, we all know that. but it is a cunning, baffling and powerful addiction.
they ALL are, but social media isn’t seen as seriously as drugs or alcohol are , yet.
here’s my experience and some stuff I realized recently (actually yesterday) :
I’d been sold a dumb lie , that posting my life online is “connection.”
that documenting everything makes it ‘meaningful’.
If people like it, it mattered.
newsflash -
It doesn’t.
What’s actually happening is much simpler—and uglier.
I am training myself to perform my life instead of living it.
Every time I post, I’m placing a small bet.
Maybe this one will hit.
Maybe this one will get seen.
Maybe this one will prove I exist.
sometimes it does, a spike of comments equals validation, right ? RIGHT????
Social media platforms run on the same reward system as gambling does. i.e. unpredictable rewards that keep me hooked.
I don’t know when the next hit is coming.
So I keep pulling the lever.
Post. Refresh. Check. Repeat.
The “reward” I’m chasing isn’t money (anymore - it used to be). Now I don’t know what the fuck im chasing anymore
It was easier when it WAS money - from 2017 to 2022. in 2022 social media changed, reward system changed. it moved from paying well to paying PENNIES. I never thought people would go for it - I remember thinking who’s going to put all the time, money and attention into creasing content for FREE?
Back in those days, there were only a few of us.
no-one knew what an influencer was IRL .
shooting ourselves with a camera in public was considered CRAZY and weird if people saw us doing it. people would double take and shake their heads, not realizing it was becoming a JOB. Incidentally it’s now the number 1 job kids want.
It wasn’t like that back in 2017 tho, trust me. It was looked down on because it wasn’t understood. No-one could have ever imagined it would take over the world and start to kill TV and movies.
back in the day -
we were making 3 - 10 min video with crews that involved writing, pre-production, shooting, post production, scoring and editing -
like a TV show.
Our Helen Horabth sketched (the STEEEEVEN ones) took a whole week to create each one. MILLIONS of you guys loved it and so did we!
We loved making the series.
And we were handsomely rewarded for making them. We made thousands and thousands of dollars on each episode. We employed like 7 people
Now -
The system is completely different.
Social platforms changed in around 2022 -from sharing revenue fairly to paying literally pennies for short form content. The reward system changed to something else - Approval.
Approval means -
I matter.
I’m seen.
I’m winning.
RIGHT?
Look, I am a drug addict, so my brain ate that shit up. against my logic and my willpower I fell into the new tiktok attention economy. I fell in line, like a good boy.
